Two Girls and a World in Confusion
by Star Wars Forever
Summary: Two teen girls go on a shopping trip but end up in ME and wreak havoc on the fellowship. PG-13 for language. Plz R&R Chapter 10!
1. A Mall then a Forest

Disclaimer: I don't own anything accept Eleni, Lena, and some of their smart-ass comments. I might add some new characters at the end. (Their parents, siblings, friends, etc.) Later there will be quotes from other movies. I will tell you the quote, movie, character, and actor at the end of the chapter.  
  
Author's Note: This is my first fic ever. Please be honest with me, but not harsh. If you don't like it, don't read it. The character of Eleni is slightly based on my personality, and Lena on my younger sister. I have the main plot of this story laid out, and even a few future parts written. I'm open to suggestions and may include them in the fic if they don't contradict the plot line or others' ideas. Read, enjoy, and review.  
  
Two Girls and a World in Confusion  
  
Chapter 1: A Mall then a Forest  
  
Eleni and her younger sister, Lena, were walking through the mall. Eleni was 17. She was about 5' 3", with shoulder length copper hair and dark brown eyes. Lena was a 5' 1" 14 year old, with black hair and blue eyes. Eleni wore baggy khaki pants and a tank top, her sweatshirt around her waist. Lena wore jogging pants, and a graphic tee. They'd asked their parents if they could spend the weekend at the summer cabin, but they were actually going to be staying at a resort in the mountains. Each had a backpack with a toothbrush, two sets of clothes, a bathing suit, and some assorted other items. The only thing they'd bought was one book apiece and a movie, so they decided to stop and put their stuff in the backpacks.  
"All right, let's go back to your pathetic car, and get this show on the road." Lena said, emphasizing the word pathetic.  
"Excuse me, pathetic. Pathetic!? Pathetic describes a little BMW or a Volkswagen bug. Pathetic does not describe the Cool Mobile."  
"Oh, I'm so sorry. How could anyone possibly think a black Rav 4 with blue electricity bolts going up the sides is pathetic?" she said sarcastically.  
"Hey! It took a long time to put the bolts on. It's not my fault I couldn't pay for it to be done professionally. Plus, you don't even have a car, so don't diss mine." They headed for the mall exit, but when they stepped outside they were met by a slightly unexpected sight.  
"Riiight...usually when you leave a mall you see a parking lot, not a forest..."  
"Oh great, just great. I can see it now. Tomorrow's headline reads: 'Girls get lost in imaginary forest while leaving mall'" "Quit your complaining." Eleni said. "We were going to the wilderness anyway. And there's absolutely nothing we can do about this now, the mall's gone. Let's explore." They started off, not quite sure which direction they were going in. ~*~*~  
"Oh, this is so fun..." Lena said sarcastically. "I'm really enjoying- uh...Eleni did that tree just move."  
"Of course it didn't. Trees only move in Middle Earth so unless...oh, hey, we're in Middle Earth! Yeah, this is so cool."  
"We aren't in Middle Earth, Eleni. That's impossible..." She trailed off when the trees ended revealing a site that looked very much like Rivendell. "We're just in New Zealand. Middle Earth doesn't exist. That's just the set to LOTR."  
"No, it's not." They walked across the bridge, and started down the steps into the main courtyard, and looked around. There was no doubt about it; they were in Middle Earth. "I told you so." Lena jumped on her back.  
"Don't you ever say those four words in my presence again." She said, grabbing Eleni's neck, but Eleni dropped to her knees and sent Lena tumbling off of her, then she leapt onto her sister, and the wrestling match began.  
  
~So what do you think? Good? Bad? Somewhere in between... I'm awaiting your reviews.  
  
Next update: The Council of Elrond 


	2. The Council of Elrond

Disclaimer: I don't own anything accept Eleni, Lena, and some of their smart-ass comments. I might add some new characters at the end. (Their parents, siblings, friends, etc.) Later there will be quotes from other movies. I will tell you the quote, movie, character, and actor at the end of the chapter.  
  
Author's Note: This is my first fic ever. Please be honest with me, but not harsh. If you don't like it, don't read it. The character of Eleni is slightly based on my personality, and Lena on my younger sister. I have the main plot of this story laid out, and even a few future parts written. I'm open to suggestions and may include them in the fic if they don't contradict the plot line or others' ideas. Read, enjoy, and review. I'll try to update weekly, but it may end up being two sometimes.  
  
Two Girls and a World in Confusion  
  
Chapter 2: The Council of Elrond  
  
The Council of Elrond had begun, and the Lord of Imladris was now addressing the council after Gimli had attempted destroying the ring with his axe.  
"The ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli, son of Gloin, by any craft that we here possess. It was made in the fires of Mount Doom. Only there can it be-" he was then interrupted by shouting from the courtyard.  
"Ow! Bitch, get off me!!!" Everyone started, and Elrond moved to leave for the courtyard. Glorfindel stopped him though.  
"Stay here, my lord. Continue with the council. I will bring them before you in a moment." He came back a few minutes later dragging two human females behind him. The taller of the two did not like this very much.  
"Let go of my ear, you blonde freak. ... Shit, that hurts. You squeezed it on purpose."  
"Yes, I did. Now be silent. Lord Elrond has business with you." He let them go in the middle of the council.  
"Whoa, dude...its Agent Smith." Eleni whispered.  
"No, you dweeb. Wrong movie, or else we'd be seeing Neo doing Tai-Kaun-Do in the middle of the council."  
"Silence." Elrond roared.  
"Hey, how'd you hear...oh right." Eleni knowingly pointed to her ears showing that she knew of elvish hearing. "I'll be quiet now."  
"Sit." He commanded pointing to the stairs leading into the hall where Merry and Pippin were. "Be silent, you shall be dealt with later."  
"What are we not good enough for chairs?" Eleni asked haughtily, though she sat down anyway. Lena leaned in to whisper to her.  
"Don't they normally send you to the corner when you're bad?" Elrond glared at them one final time, before turning to the council.  
"As I was saying...it was made in the fires of Mount Doom. Only there can it be unmade. It must be taken deep into Mordor, and cast back into the fiery chasm from whence it came. One of you must do this."  
"Question, question." Lena said, frantically waving her arms around. "First, isn't unmade improper En-Westron? And second, can't a group of people 'unmake' the Ring?" Silence. "Okay...ignore me."  
"One does not simply walk into Mordor. Its black gates are guarded by more than orcs. There is evil there that does not sleep, and the great eye is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with fire, ash and dust. The very air you breathe is a poisonous fume. It is folly. Not with ten thousand men could you do this."  
"But you could with a woman." Eleni insisted. Again, silence. "They're good. Even Mom and Dad can't ignore us for that long."  
"Have you heard nothing that Lord Elrond has said? The Ring must be destroyed!"  
"You can do it, Leggy. Kick his freakin' ass." At this, Aragorn rose. The ladies' language was getting out of hand.  
"Did you not hear Lord Elrond when he told you to be silent?"  
"We did. We just chose to ignore him. Please continue. We won't bug you anymore." Lena said innocently. Then she added in an undertone. "Plus, they're getting to the good part. Major dwarf/elf pissing contest."  
"And I suppose you elves think you're the ones to do it?"  
  
"And what if we fail? What happens when Sauron takes back what is his?"  
"I will be dead before I see the Ring in the hands of an elf! Never trust an elf!" The entire council got up and began to argue.  
"My god, we even interrupted and they still compensated so they could argue. That ring has got to be pretty powerful." Eleni whispered to Lena. Lena just nodded; she was staring at Frodo.  
"I will take it." The arguing continued.  
"I will take it!" Contrary to popular belief the arguing didn't stop then either. Eleni and Lena moved in. Lena hopped up on the Eleni's shoulders and whistled. The arguing lessened, but still no one is listening.  
"All right. Everyone SHUT UP and listen to midget man." Eleni screamed. The arguing immediately stopped and everyone directed their attention to Frodo. "Okay, on with the speech. And Lena, you can get off my back now."  
"Oh sorry." She hopped down. Then Frodo began his 'speech'.  
"I will take the ring to Mordor. Though... I do not know the way."  
"I will help you bear this burden for as long as it is yours to bear."  
"If by my life or my death I can protect you, I will. You have my sword."  
"And my bow."  
"And my axe."  
"You carry the fate of us all, little one. But if this is truly the will of the council, Gondor will see it done."  
"Here! Mr. Frodo's not going anywhere without me." Sam said, running out of the bushes.  
"Indeed, it is hardly possible to separate the two of you, even when he is summoned to a secret council and you are not."  
"Sam is in trouble. Sam is in trouble..." Eleni and Lena began chanting quietly.  
"We're going, too! You'd have to send us home tied up in a sack to keep us away." Merry and Pippin said, running from their hiding places in the hallway. Eleni and Lena each stuck out a foot. Both Merry and Pippin tripped.  
"I do believe you boys stole our lines." Eleni said, offering each a hand. "Well minus the sack part." She turned to the rest of the Fellowship. "In plainer Westron, We're coming too, to A) keep mischievous hobbits out of too much trouble B) keep you men from killing each other C) have fun and D) annoy the hell out of you." She then turned to Elrond. "And there is absolutely nothing you can do about it." Lena, Eleni, Merry, and Pippin took their place next to the Fellowship.  
"Eleven companions. So be it. You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring."  
"Beauteous. Now can we get some weapons?"  
"Women can not handle weapons." Elrond said as though this were obvious.  
"But Arwen got to." Lena complained, getting pouty. Eleni leaned in to her and started to whisper loudly.  
"We'll just take a look around. I bet we can find the armory or whatever the hell they call it. Plus, if we don't get weapons we can just kick the orcs where it hurts." All the males present visibly cringed. Eleni smirked, then turned to Elrond. "Where's the food? Last thing I had was a Sprite about an hour ago."  
  
~I have the beginning part of a chapter written out for when the Fellowship leaves Rivendell. Should I do something in between the council and the departure? Answer in your review, you have about a week or two, possibly longer if Inspiration decides to completely desert me, but It's been a very dependable friend so far, so I think It'll stick around for a bit.  
  
~*Ta*~  
  
Reviews: Rene: Thank you. I'll continue. :) Updates should be about once every one to two weeks.  
  
Voldie on Varsity Track: I'm so sorry that my writing is 'trite'. Thanks for being honest, and not harsh. TTFN  
  
Next update: The Departure (depending on your decisions)  
  
Quotes: "You can do it, Leggy. Kick his freakin' ass." This is derived from a quote in Little Nicki. I don't remember what the actual quote was or who said it. But for those who've seen it, it was during the Ozzy part. 


	3. The Departure

Disclaimer: I don't own anything accept Eleni, Lena, and some of their smart-ass comments. I might add some new characters at the end. (Their parents, siblings, friends, etc.) Later there will be quotes from other movies. I will tell you the quote, movie, character, and actor at the end of the chapter.  
  
Author's Note: No school today!! Woo-Hoo! Anyway, since there is no school I was able to whip off this chapter a lot sooner than I expected. Thank you Inspiration. You're being very nice to me. Of course you're keeping me awake at night with all your random ideas, but thanks anyway.  
  
Two Girls and a World in Confusion  
  
Chapter 3: The Departure  
  
Two days later the Fellowship was ready to be on their way. Eleni and Lena had found the weapons. Each had a sword, dagger, a set of elvish knives, and bows and arrows. Their backpacks were full and they now had a set of elvish clothing to go with their own.  
"Head 'em up, move 'em out. The sooner we destroy this ring, the sooner Aragorn becomes King and we have a hugemongous feast in my-I mean, his honor." Eleni said, as she shooed the Hobbits across the bridge. Boromir looked at her and rolled his eyes.  
"I'm bored." She said a few hours later. "Are we there yet?" She knew the answer of course, but the Fellowship didn't know this.  
"No." Gandalf said.  
"Are we there yet?" Lena asked joining in the fun.  
"No."  
"Are w-" Eleni was cut off by an arrow whizzing past her arm. "What the fuck was that about?" she asked irritably. None of the men, elves, or wizards answered.  
"I think Legolas was upset about your frequent questions." Pippin said. Eleni rolled her eyes.  
"No, that couldn't possibly be it." She said sarcastically. "Leggy loves me." Legolas reached for his elvish knifes.  
"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Lena warned. "Eleni and I are your only source of lighthearted fun on this little field trip to Hell."  
"I'm sure the Hobbits wouldn't mind applying for the position." Aragorn said.  
"Nobody asked your opinion." Eleni said. "Plus, having spent much time with those four I'd think you'd be wiser than to suggest that."  
"Are you saying we're not lighthearted and fun?" Sam asked disgruntled.  
"No, I'm saying that some of you are thick."  
"Look whose talking." Merry said.  
"I heard that." The bickering continued for quite some time. Try as they might the elders of the group couldn't help but chuckle. Lena had a point. They were making the quest more enjoyable. ~*~*~  
The fellowship stopped and set up camp. Eleni rummaged through her bag.  
"Shit. No!!! This is not happening to me." She said. "Why does the mighty lord hate me so?" The entire group looked up.  
"What's the matter?" Legolas asked.  
"I forgot my pillow and blanket in Rivendell." Eleni said.  
"You weren't supposed to bring pillows." Aragorn said.  
"So...when do I do anything I'm supposed to. Plus, you're missing the point. No blanket. No blanket means frozen body. Which means not moving. Which means somebody's gonna hafta carry me tomorrow." She said with growing drama. Legolas swiftly handed over his blanket. He didn't really need it and no one was looking forward to carrying Eleni tomorrow.  
"Thank you." She said sweetly. Then she folded the blanket nicely as a pillow and pulled out her own blanket that she'd supposedly forgotten. She wrapped herself up tightly so no one could steal any of her stuff, and fell asleep. Legolas just looked at her in disbelief, before walking off to enjoy the fresh air.  
  
Reviews: Rene: This one's a little early, but I'm glad I already have a faithful follower. Thanks:)  
  
Kairi: Glad you like it.  
  
Foofighters820: Hey Dylan. Yes, I knew it was you. Who else would have that name? Anyway, I'll continue. I can't believe you only give me a B+. I feel gypped. Oh well. I'll try to be more detailed. The Backstreet Boys are cool. Tough shit if you don't like them. And as far as my profile, are you talking about my ff.net profile, or my AOL one?  
  
Next update: The Big Rocky Place with lots of Crows  
  
Quotes: I don't think there were any quotes in this chapter. At least there wasn't supposed to be. If anything looks familiar it was an accident. 


	4. The Big Rocky Place with lots of Crows

Disclaimer: I don't own anything accept Eleni, Lena, and some of their smart-ass comments. I might add some new characters at the end. (Their parents, siblings, friends, etc.) Later there will be quotes from other movies. I will tell you the quote, movie, character, and actor at the end of the chapter.  
  
Author's Note: Sorry this one took so long. I've been busy with books and projects in school. I'll try to be faster next time.  
  
Two Girls and a World in Confusion  
  
Chapter 4: The Big Rocky Place with lots of Crows  
"We must hold to this course west of the Misty Mountains for forty days. If our luck holds, the Gap of Rohan will still be open to us, and from there our road turns east towards Mordor." Gandalf said. Eleni spit out the food that Sam had prepared.  
"I know you didn't just say forty fuckin' days." She burst out. The Fellowship froze, and turned towards her. "'Cause I am not walkin' that frickin' long." She continued fuming until Lena calmed her down. She leaned in and whispered to her.  
"Calm down, Eleni. Remember, we don't go that way." Legolas whipped around.  
"What?" he asked, and Lena froze. "Why wouldn't we go the way Gandalf directed?" Lena was about to cover up her mistake, but Eleni answered for her.  
"'Cause we're gonna get pretty frickin' freezin' before the end of this." She said motioning to Caradhras. Then she turned towards the direction that the Crebain were coming from. "Saruman knows we're here." Legolas followed her gaze.  
"Crebain from Dunland! Hide!" he shouted and everyone scattered. ~*~*~  
A while later they found themselves climbing Caradhras. Frodo slipped and rolled down to Aragorn, who picked him up and set him on his feet. Frodo looked for the Ring before glancing up at Boromir, who had found it.  
"Boromir!"  
"It is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing. Such a little thing."  
"Like yours!" Eleni shouted, from near the head of the group. Lena smacked her, as the rest of the group looked on, puzzled.  
"Get your mind out of the gutter. Anyway, how would you know this?" Lena said, with a growing smirk.  
"Are you implying...?" She began, and Lena nodded. "Why you little..." Eleni leapt at her and they rolled around wrestling for a few minutes before Legolas yanked the two apart.  
"Okay, you two need to grow up in the next three seconds or it's you who'll be carrying the four hobbits, not Aragorn and Boromir." He admonished them, catching on to what the girls were talking about.  
"Could we accidentally on purpose drop them over the side of the cliff?" Lena asked innocently.  
"What do you think?" the elf asked.  
"Ohh...that's a yes!" Eleni squealed happily. "Get your buttocks over here Sam. You get the privilege of going first." Legolas glared at her. It was a seriously maddening glare, like he was saying 'no I think you'll go first.'  
"Oh fine." Eleni relented. "I'll even let him make some sort of speech about kicking it for Frodo, the Shire, and his old Gaffer." Lena leaned in and whispered to her.  
"Look I think you've pissed everyone off enough for one day. Why don't you give it a rest?" Eleni turned to her in shocked.  
"Never!" she said dramatically. "Lena I thought I knew you. My own sister, working against me. What is this world coming to?" She dissolved into obviously fake tears.  
"Look." Lena growled. "I'm not looking forward to carry those hobbits up this mountain. And I don't think you are either, even if you better on inclines and in cold weather."  
"Alright. You win." Eleni said. "But I am better on inclines. It gives me something to work towards. Going down is the problem. Why don't you just toboggan the whole way? It's so much easier." She continued her ramblings about the pros and cons of inclines and declines as the Fellowship began their trek uphill, or up mountain, but you catch the drift.  
A few hours later Eleni abandoned her rambling for shivering uncontrollably. Finally she gave that up as well for complaining about elves.  
"Come on Legolas." She whined. "You've enjoyed this quite long enough. Lena and I our freezing and tired. Carry us!"  
"Do you think the rest of us aren't cold?" he asked rationally.  
"Well, You've got the whole elvish resistance to temperature thingy going. Gimli's got body fat." At this the dwarf growled, but Eleni ignored him and continued. "Gandalf's all-powerful. And the Men and Hobbits are making out for body warmth.*" The rest were upset about these comments but couldn't well do anything but glare and grumble. "So yea, that leaves me and Lena as the only one's cold."  
"Then I guess you're just going to have to freeze to death. If someone attacks us at least one of us needs to be battle ready."  
"Who the hell would be think enough to follow us up here!?" Lena yelled. "It's fucking cold!" Legolas was about to answer but heard something. He ran to the front of the group.  
"There is a fell voice on the air!" he called as Eleni muttered: "Ah, sit. We're gonna get colder."  
"Saruman!" Gandalf cried just before a pile of snow came crashing down of the edge of the mountain.  
"He's trying to bring down the mountain! We must turn back!"  
"No!" Gandalf struggled to the edge and began chanting a spell to absolutely no effect. More snow came tumbling down burying the fellowship. A few minutes later they had all pulled themselves out.  
"We must get off the mountain!" Strider yelled over the wind.  
"I agree!" Eleni screamed. "I can't fell my body anymore!"  
"We must take the Pass of Rohan, or take the road west to my city!" called Boromir.  
"Rohan takes us too close to Isengard!"  
"If we cannot go over the mountain, I say let us go under it! Let us go through the mines of Moria!"  
"Dead dwarves." Lena murmured. "Fun!" Gandalf was deep in thought over what Saruman had told him of Moria.  
"Let the Ringbearer decide!" he said.  
"But that's not fair." Eleni said, reasonably for once. "He's cold and tired and wet. What do think he's gonna pick?" The fellowship ignored.  
"We will go through the mines!"  
"So be it."  
"Well we're gonna get warmer!" Lena said with fake cheerfulness. Eleni whispered to her sister.  
"Yea...like flaming hotdog in the Sahara desert warmer."  
  
*Just to make things clear. I have nothing against bis and/or homosexuals.  
  
Reviews: Gymnastics101: Thanks for the review. Its good to know I'm appreciated. I'll continue.  
  
Next update: don't exactly know. I'll either do the beginning of Moria or a chapter on the fellowship going down Caradhras. All depends on Inspiration.  
  
Quotes: I don't think there were any quotes in this chapter. At least there wasn't supposed to be. If anything looks familiar it was an accident. 


	5. Moria

Disclaimer: I don't own anything accept Eleni, Lena, and some of their smart-ass comments. I might add some new characters at the end. (Their parents, siblings, friends, etc.) Later there will be quotes from other movies. I will tell you the quote, movie, character, and actor at the end of the chapter.  
  
Author's Note: Again, sorry this one took so long. No, I don't have an excuse.  
  
Two Girls and a World in Confusion  
  
Chapter 5: Moria (Yes I know it's original. I'm so proud)  
"Damn. It's a lot longer getting to Moria then it is in the movies." Eleni whispered.  
"Yea... don't you wish you could press fast forward? We've been walking for hours and just got off Caradhras. I swear that mountain got bigger on the way down."  
"Sure. That's only cause you don't like mountains. Granted I don't like them either when you're going down..."  
"They shoulda let us grease our dagger sheathes and go down on them like skis. Eleni and Lena continued their hushed complaints until they reached the lake outside of Moria.  
"Woah...it's a good thing we don't have to go swimming in that." Lena said. "Talk about icky."  
"Are you sure you don't want to go swimming?" Boromir asked. Lena nodded staring at the lake. "Then shut your mouth." Boromir, having stood near them most of the walk, had heard almost all of the girls' conversation and was not exactly pleased with them.  
"Why don't you?" Eleni said. "I'm sure I'm not alone in saying that the Steward of Gondor line got old approximately 3000 times ago."  
"3167." Legolas said helpfully.  
"I said approximately!" Eleni said exasperated. "I therefore didn't need an exact number."  
"Sheesh." Lena said. "You need to relax girl. Cutey was only trying to help."  
"I think it's PMS." Eleni whispered.  
"Ouch...that's not gonna be good."  
"No precious. No it isn't."  
~*~*~  
They reached the doors and Gandalf lit them up.  
"It reads: The-"  
"The Doors of Durin, Lord of Moria. Speak Friend and enter." Lena said kinda zoned out.  
"How were you able to read that?" Aragorn asked in amazement.  
"I'm good like that."  
"We are soooo gonna be here forever." Eleni whined from her place on a rock.  
"Not if we help 'em out a bit."  
"Fine. Yo Gandalf. Mellon." She yelled.  
"Since when did I become your friend?" Gandalf asked, turning towards the girls. Eleni and Lena stood up and everyone moved towards the mines.  
"Since it would get us in and out of this grimy hole in half the time." Eleni said as she passed him and went through the doors. She stood just around the corner as everyone moved about the once grand entrance hall thing. They all said their respective lines with a little help from Lena, and the stupid squid reached for Frodo. As soon as it got a hold of his leg, Eleni leapt out with a scream.  
"EVERYBODY GO!" she cut the tentacle grabbed Frodo, and ran after the rest of the fellowship as the doors came down. Eleni tripped, and both her and Frodo landed in a pile of bodily appendages, rolling to a stop at Legolas's feet.  
"...Ouch." Came a muffled voice from the floor. Frodo carefully extracted himself from the pile and stood up, brushing himself off. Eleni continued to lie spread-eagle on the ground. "I hate hobbits." She groaned, as Legolas helped her up. "...especially ones with buggy eyes." Frodo looked offended, but remained silent, as the girl had just saved his life. "Would anybody be interested in carrying a bruised heroine for a couple miles?" Legolas sighed, threw her over his shoulders, and the fellowship continued to walk through the mines.  
"I meant in a comfortable position." Eleni said in the elf's ear.  
"Be glad you're being carried at all."  
"Hey I just saved you from having to go swimming in that pathetic excuse for water, looking for a stupid ring!" Legolas cringed from the volume in which she'd 'screamed' into his ear, and reluctantly moved her into a more comfortable position.  
"That's better." She grunted.  
~*~*~  
"Are we lost?" Pippin asked. They'd been sitting for hours, waiting for Gandalf to remember which way to go.  
"Mmm hmm." Lena told him; she also was beginning to think they were never going to get out of Moria.  
"No, we're not." Merry and Eleni said firmly. There was silence for a few minutes.  
"Merry?"  
"What?"  
"I'm hungry."  
"Here. Now shut up." Eleni said, handing him a granola bar before continuing. "I'm trying very hard to zone out, but Aragorn and Gandalf's pot is starting to get to me. I seriously feel like I'm flying."  
A few minutes later, Aragorn glanced at her, noticing the blood on her pants.  
"Lady Eleni. Are you wounded?" he asked. She followed his gaze, glancing down at her pants.  
"Shit!" The Fellowship all turned towards her. "Just great. I'm stuck in the middle of a fuckin' mountain with a bunch of druggies, and now I got my period. Someone up there must hate me." She said, looking to the ceiling. Her attitude wasn't much improved when Boromir began complaining about the incompetence of women.  
"Why couldn't we have left the ladies in Rivendell?" he began. "There useless in this environment. All they are are hindrances."  
"Oh, stop being a dick. It's not my fault we women are stuck with the tough jobs, of giving birth, and raising your kids. You couldn't live a day in a woman's place." Eleni admonished. Then she turned around, grabbed her pack, and stomped off a little ways into one of the passages. There she changed, before returning a few minutes later and sitting back next to Lena.  
"Damn girl. Did you call that PMS thing or what?"  
"Shut up."  
  
Reviews: None *sniff sniff* I feel so unloved.  
  
Next update: Moria2 (Yes I'm hoping to make it a more interesting title. That's just to get the idea across)  
  
Quotes: I don't think there were any quotes in this chapter. At least there wasn't supposed to be. If anything looks familiar it was an accident. 


	6. An Orc Battle and drumroll Bridge of Kha...

Disclaimer: I don't own anything accept Eleni, Lena, and some of their smart-ass comments. I might add some new characters at the end. (Their parents, siblings, friends, etc.) Later there will be quotes from other movies. I will tell you the quote, movie, character, and actor at the end of the chapter.  
  
Author's Note: Again, sorry this one took so long. I plead innocent. It's schools fault.  
  
Two Girls and a World in Confusion  
  
Chapter 6: An Orc Battle and the *drumroll* the Bridge of Khazad-Dum  
They sat there for another couple of hours while Frodo, discovered Gollum, had a deep conversation with and Gandalf, and then said wizard figured out which way to go.  
"Ahh. It's this way."  
"'bout time you figured it out." Eleni said. "Alzheimer's must be kicking in over time now that you've reached the 30,000 point." Lena poked her.  
"Come on sis. You gotta control the need for blood. It'll only make your period worse."  
"Shut up already!! You're not making things any easier." ~*~*~  
"Behold! The great realm of the dwarven city of Dwarrowdelf." Gandalf said proudly, showing the Fellowship the massive hall.  
"It looks shitty to me." Eleni said moodily. Everyone froze as the two glared at each other.  
"Let us continue on." Gandalf said tentatively, but at that exact moment Gimli noticed the room holding Balin's tomb. He ran forward crying. The fellowship followed him into the room.  
"Here lies Balin, son of Hundin, Lord of Moria. He is dead then. It is as I feared." When the wizard finished, Lena began making horror noises.  
"Oooooooooooooo...we're all gonna die!" she screamed quietly and began running around in circles flicking the fellowship.  
"That's enough!" Boromir, who oddly enough, seemed to be the most affected by Gimli's sorrow, pulled her aside. "Gimli just found out about the death of a loved one. If I killed Eleni I'm sure you'd want peace to grieve over her."  
"No I'd be hell-bent on revenge. And once I kicked your ugly butt into the Cracks of Doom I'd beg mom and dad for her room and stuff." Pippin backed up fearfully at the insane look in Lena's eyes.  
"God, she had way too many candy bars in her bag." Eleni said. "Beware of the hyperness. Beware!..." Pippin knocked the skeleton into the well and everyone started. "Shit! I forgot about that."  
The drumming began, the men blocked the door, but eventually both orcs and cavetroll gained entrance. The battle began.  
"No! I am not about to join those filthy dwarves dead on the floor." Eleni screamed, as multiple orcs attacked her. "I got my period and lotsa weapons. I'm gonna kick your ass boy." She quickly fought the orcs off and made her way over to Lena.  
"Got a plan!?!" her sister yelled.  
"No! You?!"  
"No!"  
"Well that's just great!" Eleni said as the exchange ended, then the light bulb clicked on. "Hey! You can still rock climb, right?"  
"Yep!"  
"Good. 'member the ledge Leggy gets on in the movie?"  
"Yep!"  
"We're going up there. The orcs can't attack us and we can fire arrows continuously 'til they're all dead."  
"'kay." The two sisters quickly scrambled up to the ledge and fulfilled their plan, until attention was drawn up there by a certain blond elf. Then they decided to join the ground crew. Luckily the battle ended not too long afterwards. Aragorn began to lift a supposedly dead Frodo off the ground and everyone except the girls grew melancholy.  
"Come on!" Eleni cried. "Let's get outta here. They're still out there and majorly POed at us." Many of the fellowship turned to glare at her. "What?! He's not really dead yet!" As if on cue the hobbit awoke.  
"He's alive!" Sam gasped.  
"I just said that!" Eleni said moodily. "Now if I can give reasonable advice: Let's beat it before we're attacked yet again." Everyone clambered to their feet and jogged off towards the bridge. Though they made it much further than in the movie the red light and goblins still appeared.  
"What is this new devilry?" Boromir asked.  
"Tis a balrog, young dear." Lena said in a terrible imitation cross of Gandalf and a decrepit witch. Gandalf nodded, signifying to the fellowship that she was indeed right and they turned on their heels and ran in the other direction. Everyone regrouped at the stair way and Gandalf shoved Aragorn ahead of him.  
"Lead them on, Aragorn! The bridge is near. Do as I say! Swords are no more use here!" Finally they reached the gap in the stairs.  
"Good God!" Lena gasped, as Legolas jumped lightly across. "That things huge. How the hell'd he do that?"  
  
"He's an effin' elf if you remember correctly."  
"Yea...but-"  
"No buts. Go!" Aragorn had signaled for them to go and Eleni pushed her sister forward. They gathered all their strength and leapt across barely making it. Boromir and Legolas caught them on the other side. The portion Aragorn and Frodo still stood on began to sway as it broke off from the rest.  
"Lean forward."  
"Hell no!" the hobbit shook his head.  
"You have been hanging around the ladies too much." Aragorn said and he pushed him forward. Finally they approached the bridge. Legolas and Boromir lead the way across, with Merry, Pippin, and the ladies following. Frodo, Sam, Aragorn, and Gandalf brought up the rear.  
"That—was one—majorly—freaky balance beam." Lena panted as she and Eleni made it to the other side.  
"Don't you dare complain to me about balance beams! You're the gymnast of the group. Suck it up." At this point Gandalf fell.  
"Eleni! Lena!" Legolas called. "Run!" The fellowship retreated.  
  
Reviews: foofighters820: hello Dylan. Thanks for sayin hi.  
  
gilrean aka sylph: I'm glad you like my writing. I am really sorry that this took so long, and I promise I'll try to be faster next time.  
  
gymnastics101: thanks for another review.  
  
Next update: Lothlorien  
  
Quotes: Nope *checks over chapter and nods* yep I'm right. No quotes that I can see. 


	7. He's Dead Jim

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything accept Eleni, Lena, and some of their smart-ass comments. I might add some new characters at the end. (Their parents, siblings, friends, etc.) Later there _will be _quotes from other movies. I will tell you the quote, movie, character, and actor at the end of the chapter.

**Author's Note**: This one was much faster. HAHA! I redeem myself in the eyes of my few reviewers. I'm gonna be posting some of my other stories fairly soon. I got a Star Wars humor. A LOTR/SW crossover, Obi-Wan sucked into ME. And a LOTR action/adventure with a little romance. Lemme no which one you want first and I'll try to get it out.

**Two Girls and a World in Confusion**

**Chapter 7: He's Dead Jim**

After hours of jogging the fellowship finally reached the outskirts of Lothlorien.

"This is—misery. I want—the fat—elf to—come already." Eleni panted, then she stopped suddenly and shouted to the leader. "Aragorn! I gotta—pee." He rolled his eyes.

"That's probably the third time you've that so far."

"Fourth." Legolas muttered under his breath. Boromir smacked him.

"Yea. Well if you were in my position you'd need a break too." Eleni retorted, partially fake panting forgotten.

"Let's hope that never happens." The ranger said with a smirk. "We'll wait a minute. Find a bush." Eleni stomped off. "ONE MINUTE!" he yelled after her. She flipped him off.

"The dwarf breathes so loudly we could have shot him in the dark."

"OH THANK THE VALAR!" Lena screamed. She and Eleni threw themselves at Haldir, hugging him tightly.

"Do I know you?" he asked slightly frightened.

"No. But we are so glad to see you right now." Eleni said in almost dreamy tone. Lena nudged her, and raised in eyebrow.

'Hey he's cuter than in the movies.' Eleni mouthed to her confused sister.

"You're arrival symbolizes the close proximity to bathrooms." she continued aloud, and Lena began to chuckle. The Lothlorien elf looked at Aragorn with as much confused terror on his face as is possible for an elf.

"Nyarin telwa." the ranger replied. Hladir nodded and motioned for them to follow him. _('**I'll explain later**.' It actually means '**I tell late**.' I'm sorry. It's the closest I could get.)_

"…yea so me and my sister. We've been traveling with them for like forever. And Aragorn smokes WAY too much. I mean you think at 87 he'd learn to quit cause it's bad for him. But Nnoo! He's too smart for that, and he's still as fit as ever. I mean talk about a cruel world. It ain't fair!" Eleni pouted. She'd been gabbing for at least an hour now. "But anyway. It's like we're in the shitty caves for days. And I'm not a big fan of sun, but seriously I was dying for some sort of natural light. And then Boromir starts complaining about women and shit like that. He almost fell when we were running from the balrog, but a certain idiot blond just HAD to go and save him. And now we're outta the orc hole but I gotta go pee every three seconds cause of…you know…girl stuff. And Aragorn's rushing me, and threatening to leave me behind and all…which I suppose would be too bad but still it's the principle of the matter…yea, so to sum it all up: you're a god-send." There was a relatively long pause.

"I do believe this is the first time you've stopped talking for an entire minute." Haldir said nonchalantly. Eleni checked her watch.

"Yep!" she replied perkily. "We almost there?…"

"Almost. Why?" the elf asked cautiously.

'I gotta go."

"Again!?"

"Yea…"

"Halt!" everyone stopped. "Lady Eleni." Haldir started exasperatedly. "How many times have you 'needed to go' within the past hour?"

"I lost count…Look. I'm sorry, but it's the laws of nature. You of all beings should respect that."

"Fine, but we're using the one minute rule."

"Ten there are here, but eleven there were set out from Rivendell. Tell me: Where is Gandalf, for I much desire to speak with him."

"He is-" Galadriel began.

"He's dead, Jim." Lena interrupted. Celeborn glanced at her half-confused, half-outraged that she dared to interrupt his wife. Everyone glared at her, with the exception of Eleni, who was too busy laughing. Galadriel continued.

"He is fallen into shadow. The quest stands on the edge of a knife, stray but a little and it will fail, to the ruin of all. Yet hope remains while the company is true. Do not let your hearts be troubled. Go now, and rest, for you are weary with toil and much sorrow. Tonight you shall sleep in peace." Then she began talking in Frodo's head. However, Eleni broke her concentration on Frodo's mind as the Fellowship was prepared to leave.

"Great pep talk Dude." She said, giving the thumbs sign. "I feel all warm and fuzzy inside…now that you've told we're going to certain death." It was now Eleni's turn to receive glares, and Lena's to laugh.

The Fellowship was gathered on the ground in the space allotted for them to spend the night, when they heard elven voices singing in the distance.

"A lament for Gandalf."

"What did they say about him?" Merry asked.

"I have not the heart to tell you…" he began, when Eleni broke in.

"Do you have the brains?" she asked.

**Reviews:**

Jade, The BAD Twin: I hope you liked this one too. I'm happy to no that I'm on somebody's favorite stories list. I looked you up. So, you and Rene are twins? Is that fun, having a twin, and lotsa siblings. I only got one sister. I also noticed you have Lady Laswen in your favorites. I love her! She and 'HealerAriel' are the ones who really got me into humor fics.

**Next update**: God knows what. Maybe more in Lothlorien. Maybe not.

**Quotes:**

"He's dead, Jim", Star Trek 3 or 4 (not sure which. If I got any trekkies out there please don't kill me it's been awhile since I saw the movies.), Dr. McCoy, DeForrest Kelley (pretty sure.) (LOL that was sad.)****


	8. The Secret of the Kitchen

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything accept Eleni, Lena, and some of their smart-ass comments. I might add some new characters at the end. (Their parents, siblings, friends, etc.) There _will be _quotes from other movies. I will tell you the quote, movie, character, and actor at the end of the chapter.

**Author's Note (DON'T SKIP!!! VERY IMPORTANT!!!)**: Another pretty fast update. Inspiration be vedy vedy good to me. Now none of you have answered my poll on my future stories. I got a Star Wars humor. A LOTR/SW crossover, Obi-Wan sucked into ME. And a LOTR action/adventure with a little romance. WHICH ONE!?!

**Two Girls and a World in Confusion**

**Chapter 8: The Secret of the Kitchen**

"Lena! Wake up!" Eleni whispered. She shook her sister hard, but to no avail. "Come on. Do I need to ask Frodo to french you?" Lena leapt to her feet with a look of fear on her face.

"No. That's really not necessary. I'm up."

"That's what I thought." Eleni turned, motioning for her sister to follow her. "I found this really awesome rope swing. It goes over this little stream thingie to some sorta private kitchen area. It's midnight snack time-Elvish style." She broke into a run. "Come on!"

A few minutes later they reached the swing. Sure enough, it went over a stream, but they were high up in the trees so the fall was extreme. Eleni took out a long whip, which she'd snagged from somewhere, and got hold of the natural rope.

"Where'd ya get that?" Lena asked. Eleni shrugged.

"It was lying on the ground outside of the guards' bunkrooms."

"Oh. Interesting." Lena said, raising an eyebrow. "So you've turned klepto?"

"No." Eleni laughed. "I'm 'borrowing' it. They have plenty. Come on, you go first." Eleni handed the rope to her sister, and Lena swung across.

"Catch!" Lena yelled, and threw the rope back. Eleni barely caught it, and swung across off balance.

"Ow!" she landed with a thud on the other side, rolling across the floor. "Damn it!" Lena laughed as her sister rubbed her head and clambered to her feet.

"Now, dear sister, I distinctly remember you mentioning food. Lead on!" Eleni pulled out two stools. Motioning for her sister to sit, she looked around the middle-earthy kitchenette, before finding bread.

"Oh, nummy." She smacked her lips. "I love bread!" she yanked a dagger out of her boot, and roughly cut the huge loaf in half. Lena grabbed her piece, as her sister was busy stuffing her face. Within three minutes they'd consumed two full loaves. "Now, for desert!" the two went in search of sweets and eventually came up with a chocolate cake, and two lemon pies. Total chaos broke out, and by the time the girls were done the kitchenette was a disaster. Worse still, the sounds of many footsteps were closing in.

"Umm. Time to go." Lena grabbed the whip and swung out for the rope. "Both of us!" she cried, knowing there wasn't time for two trips. They leapt onto the swing, but the rope, not expecting the sudden weight, crashed down mid-swing. The girls barely missed the stream, and tumbled to a stop at the feet of the Lothlorien guard.

"Shit." Eleni mumbled, looking around for escape. "Um…uh…" she struggled for words, but luckily Aragorn and Legolas came to their rescue.

"We'll deal with them." The ranger said stepping forward. He and Legolas pulled the two chocolate covered teens to their feet and dragged them back to camp. "Sit!" he ordered.

"We're sorry." Lena said.

"Don't hurt us." Eleni whimpered, at the same time. The elf and ranger glanced at each other, and laughed. After a few minutes they regained control of themselves and Legolas explained as Aragorn panted, holding a stitch in his side.

"It's okay.' He smiled, at the confused girls. "We raided that area one night too. It's the 'secret' kitchen for Galadriel and Celeborn. No children are allowed in without permission. We were lucky and didn't get caught, so we thought it was only fair to 'rescue' you."

"Oh." The two girls said, nodding slowly. "Thanks. Can we go to bed now?"

"I think that's a very good idea."

**Reviews:**

Lady Tolwen: Glad you liked it. Spread the word.

Hope(): Thanks. Glad you liked it. This chapter has been rolling around in my head for like forever. Your mention of food cravings finally brought it to the surface and forced me to write it down. THANK YOU! Lol. Hope you liked this one considering it was you who got me to do it.

LisaluvsLegolas: Yea…thanks for reading. I read and reviewed to your story. It had potential. Why the hell'd you screw it up!? Anyway, if you review to this was even sincere: no, none of the girls are going to end up with Leggy. The girl in another story I'm going to be posting will though. Read it if you want, when I post it.

**Next update**: Leaving Lothlorien (I think)

**Quotes:**

None that I can see.


	9. Leaving Lothlorien

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything accept Eleni, Lena, and some of their smart-ass comments. I might add some new characters at the end. (Their parents, siblings, friends, etc.) There _will be _quotes from other movies. I will tell you the quote, movie, character, and actor at the end of the chapter.

**Author's Note (DON'T SKIP!!! VERY IMPORTANT!!!)**: i know this wasnt really fast. ive been caught up with school and other fics. this isnt one of my favorite chapters; it was alot more forced then the others.

**Two Girls and a World in Confusion**

**Chapter 9: Leaving Lothlorien**

The Fellowship began gathering their things to leave.

"Where are Eleni and Lena?" Pippin asked innocently while everyone but he and Merry loaded the boats. Aragorn and Legolas looked up then glanced at each other in silent agreement. They sprinted out of the clearing in the direction of the kitchen.

"Where are you going?!" Boromir called incredulously. "Just leave them."

"Continue loading. We'll be right back!" Within moments they were to the swing, which had been resurrected.

"You first." Aragorn said, eying it untrusting. Legolas laughed lightly.

"What are you afraid your weight will break it?" When Aragorn just glared at him he rolled his eyes and swung, with the ranger following immediately behind.

"Didn't you learn your lesson last time?" Aragorn hissed at the two teens they found. "There's an elven alarm in that door. You set it off coming in here."

"No. Actually we bypassed it. You guys set it off. But if you'll excuse us we need to leave now." Lena said.

"Yea. We wouldn't want to get in the way of your rightful punishments." Eleni and her sister cut the rope that held a pile of food over the head's of the astonished elf and ranger, and watched in glee as they were instantly coated with assorted items of food, before running for the back door they'd found.

The Lothlorien guard arrived at the fellowship's boats about 20 minutes later with their 'kitchen-raiding' prisoners. As soon as the hobbits saw Aragorn and Legolas they burst into uproarious laughter, leaning on each other for support. Both Boromir and Gimli managed a good chuckle as the already embarrassed two turned redder and redder with every passing second. Eleni and Lena high-fived each other and stuck their tongues out at them. At this Legolas completely lost it. He leapt forward with a strangled yell and the girls scampered into a boat, pushing of into the river.

"Get your butts back here right now!!!!" he screamed. The girls continued laughing.

"Come get us!" Eleni taunted. "Oh wait. I forgot snobby elves might be too good to going swimming." The entire fellowship piled into the three left over boats as Aragorn and Legolas waded out and began swimming furiously to reach the sisters. As Merry and Pippin's boat passed by them the hobbit's each took turns dunking the two.

**Reviews:**

Lady Tolwen: posted the SW/LOTR xover. Posted another story too. Glad you like this story. Hope you like the others; but if you don't that's okay too. J

**Next update**: dunno

**Quotes: **none


	10. Camping on the Anduin and the Introducti...

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything accept Eleni, Lena, and some of their smart-ass comments. I might add some new characters at the end. (Their parents, siblings, friends, etc.) There _will be _quotes from other movies. I will tell you the quote, movie, character, and actor at the end of the chapter.

**Author's Note (DON'T SKIP!!! VERY IMPORTANT!!!)**: Slow. Slow. Very slow. Sorry, I have this summer camp thing I'm going to. Only one more week left so they should be faster. Should.

**Two Girls and a World in Confusion**

**Chapter 10: Camping at the Anduin and the Introduction of Smores**

Aragorn and Legolas climbed out of the boats they had managed to clamber into mid-river swim. They were still soppy wet, and while they weren't nearly as pissed as before they were by no means happy with the girls.

"Ranger dude!" Lena called. "We're going in the woods for a sec. Be back in a bit." Aragorn barely acknowledged her, but the teens left anyway.

"Lena, this is a good one." Eleni called to her sister, jumping out of the tree she'd been in, triumphantly holding a hobbit-sized marshmallow-roasting stick. Lena grabbed it from her place sitting on the ground, examined it and added it to their pile.

"Okay, that's 10 personal-sized mallow sticks. Let's head back."

Back at camp, the Hobbits had a good-sized fire going, and Sam was cooking fish for dinner. The girls came skipping out of the trees, each holding five sticks, Eleni humming unidentifiable campfire songs to herself.

"What have you been up to?" Aragorn asked, snatching the sticks away from them, making to throw them in the fire. Eleni dove for the sticks, catching them and crashing to the ground at Boromir's feet.

"Do you have any idea how much trouble I went through to get these?!" she growled at Aragorn, leaping to her feet. "You don't even know what this is, do you?" she asked, waving one under Aragorn's nose. "This is a personalized Ranger-sized marshmallow stick. Preparation for dessert, so you keep your paws off them."

After dinner, Eleni handed out the sticks while Lena made neat piles of the grahams and chocolate. Then Eleni carefully pushed a marshmallow onto each stick and told the group to put them in the fire.

"Now we only have 20 marshmallows, so we all get two; one for test, the other for the smore."

Pippin promptly lit his aflame fighting with Merry who'd done the same, until the flaming, melted marshmallows oozed off their sticks, burning their exposed toes. Legolas daintily removed his golden-brown marshmallow, pooping it lightly into his mouth as Gimli struggled to get his gooey mess into his mouth, getting much into his beard. He grumbled a bit, which sounded distinctly like 'Damn elf'. Legolas smirked. Both Aragorn and Boromir turned out blackened blobs. Aragorn finished his, having tasted worse things. Boromir took a tentative bite, making gagging noises, but finished his as well so as not to be outdone by a mere ranger. Frodo and Sam gobbled down their dark brown messes. Finally, Eleni and Lena, having many years of practice, were rewarded with perfectly toasted marshmallows, though each with her own distinct way of eating them. Lena sucked at hers, pulling it off the stick into her mouth. Eleni plucked it off, squishing it between her fingers, yanked it out from between them, before licking off the excess goo.

"Here ya go." Eleni said, handing out the second batch. "I'll do mine last. When you're done toasting, come here and I'll fix your smore." The reception to smores was well taken. Everyone seemed to enjoy them, though the group got a considerable amount of chocolate on them, including Legolas. Considerable in his case, being a small, thick smear across his left cheek.

"Those were delicious. Thanks." Legolas said, getting to his feet. He ruffled Eleni's hair. "Now I suggest you Mortals all get some sleep. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow. I'll keep watch."

"I hate him." Eleni mumbled under her breath as she and her sister went to their sleep rolls. She tried to flatten her already fizzing hair, only succeeding in making it more staticy. "Damn perfect hair."

"Goodnight all." Lena called cheerfully, receiving a chorus of 'goodnight's and 'thank you's in return. Eleni kicked her.

**Reviews:**

championangel lightblade(): The elf and ranger needed to get in trouble eventually. This update was by no means quick. Sorry for the wait. Thanks for reading.

Lady Tolwen: Sorry!! I know this was slower than usual. I think its been a full month. Hope you like the smores.

**Next update**: probably next camp, you know, the battle with the uruk-hai camp scene thing. … wow. Anyone who understood this gets an A

**Quotes:**

Don't think so…


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